


Letting Go

by tofuuusan



Series: worst in me [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Cheating, Established Relationship, M/M, Moving On, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-30 16:18:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17831945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tofuuusan/pseuds/tofuuusan
Summary: "I hope you know that it was not easy letting go."





	Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> hello, this will be the prequel/sequel shit of one-way ticket~ huhu

**_I remember getting fucked up on the long nights_ **

_Soonyoung was laughing so hard while running, holding Jihoon's hand, getting away from the gang they almost had a fight with. They turned and hid at some alley tried to stiffle their laugh as the gang passed by their hideout._

_"Kwon Soonyoung." Jihoon said as he gasped for air, panting from running and laughing. "You are a one fucked-up man."_

_"Lee Jihoon." Soonyoung smirked at the smaller man, eyes glinting in amusement. "How so?"_

_Jihoon just shrugged. "But I commend you for running so fast, even if you're drunk."_

_"Adrenaline." Soonyoung laughed, arms gripping on the smaller's waist. "We just want to get drunk and have fun but those assholes were sore losers."_

_Soonyoung kissed Jihoon's forehead. "And, I don't mind getting this fucked up, as long as I'm with you, Jihoon." Soonyoung closed the gap, kissing Jihoon on his lips at the middle of the hidden alley, alcohol and adrenaline clouding their system._

**_I remember how we made up after long fights_ **

_"Just fucking shut up, Soonyoung!" Jihoon shouted as he stood up and exited their room._

_"There!!! That's the fucking problem, Jihoon!!" Soonyoung followed behind the fuming Jihoon. "You were running away from our problem! You were running away from me. You were running away from us!!" Soonyoung frustratedly brushed his hair.. "Can we just fucking talk this out??" Soonyoung whispered, voice laced with pain.._

_"Please." Soonyoung pleaded.._

_A deafening silence engulfed the two. Jihoon walked towards Soonyoung and wiped the latter's tears._

_"You really looked ugly when you cry." Jihoon said, a small smile on his face._

_"Fuck you!" Soonyoung sobbed. "I-I'm still mad at you." Soonyoung glared weakly at Jihoon, made the latter chuckle. Soonyoung just pouted at Jihoon and sighed. "I'm sorry, Jihoon."_

_Jihoon looked up and hummed. "I should be the one saying that, Soonyoung." Jihoon stared straight at Soonyoung's eyes. "I am emotional constipation in human form." Jihoon chuckled. "I'm insecure. Fuck. No, I'm afraid." Soonyoung held Jihoon tight. "Soonyoung-ah, I'm afraid of everything. I'm afraid of wearing my heart in my sleeve."_

_Jihoon hugged Soonyoung tighter. "Soonyoungie, I'm sorry for confusing you, but.. I want this. I want us." Jihoon looked up at the crying Soonyoung. He tiptoed to pepper kisses on the latter's tear-stricken face._

_"Jihoonie." Soonyoung whined when Jihoon left a chaste kiss on Soonyoung's lips._

_"You really looked ugly when you cry." Jihoon teased and Soonyoung laughed, the laugh Jihoon fell in love too. "I love you Soonyoung. I love you."_

_Soonyoung leaned in to kiss Jihoon's lips. "I love you too. No more fights like this. Please. God. I missed you." Soonyoung hungrily kissed the smaller's lips and let their emotions consumed them._

**_I remember when we stayed up to the daylight_ **

_"Oh. There you are." Soonyoung said as he walked to Jihoon, cans of beer on his hand. Jihoon turned on his direction and patted the space beside him._

_Soonyoung sat beside Jihoon, the latter resting his head on Soonyoung's shoulder. Soonyoung smiled as he opened the can of beer and offered it to Jihoon._

_"Can't sleep?" Soonyoung asked, he snaked his arm on Jihoon's shoulder and sipped his own beer._

_Jihoon hummed and sipped his beer too._

_"You should've woke me up." Soonyoung said, rubbing Jihoon's shoulder.. "I was scared when I woke up, you were not by my side." Soonyoung whined._

_"What a baby." Jihoon chuckled, his free hand on Soonyoung's thigh. "You are afraid of heights." Oh. They were at their apartment's roofdeck, their hideout from the outside world, their safe place._

_"Correction." Soonyoung scoffed. "Was." Soonyoung side-eyed Jihoon, the latter's eyes were closed. "I was afraid of heights before I fell for you." Soonyoung whispered on Jihoon's ear._

_Jihoon's eyes shot open and groaned. He pulled away from Soonyoung, and playfully hit the taller's arm._

_"Ow-- ow! It hurts, Jihoonie!!" Soonyoung dodging Jihoon's weak punches._

_"Where do you even get that?" Jihoon rolled his eyes at Soonyoung, the latter chuckling because Jihoon's ears were beet red._

_"You love it." Soonyoung teased, pulling Jihoon closer again to him._

_"No." Jihoon softly mumbled and sighed. "And besides, you were sleeping like a log earlier. I don't have the heart to wake you up at 3AM to keep me company here."_

_Soonyoung kissed the side of Jihoon's head. "You know, I'll do everything if it's you, Jihoon. And I think it's nice to watch the sunrise with you."_

_A comfortable silence engulfed them, their breaths and the steady rhythm of their heartbeats were the only thing can be heard. Soonyong sighed as he stared at Jihoon's peaceful face, the latter's head resting on his shoulder again._  
  
_Soonyoung nudged Jihoon when he noticed that the dawn was already breaking. "Jihoonie~ open your eyes, please. The sun is rising already." Soonyoung cooed._  
  
_Jihoon's eyes fluttered open and stared at the sun peeking over the horizon, watching as the dark grey sky turned into a beautiful mix of orange, yellow, pink and blue with clouds dotted around the sky._  
  
_"Beautiful." Jihoon whispered as he looked at the beauty in front of them, the light made Jihoon's skin glow of warmth Soonyoung can't help himself but to touch the latter's face.._  
  
_"Yeah. Beautiful." Soonyoung said as he stared at Jihoon's eyes. "You are beautiful, Jihoonie."_  
  
_A tinge of pink painted Jihoon's cheek and he giggled at Soonyoung's compliment. "You are good with words." Jihoon said as he placed his forehead on Soonyoung's, lips almost grazing each other's._  
  
_"Only for you." Soonyoung closed the gap and kissed Jihoon, the beautiful sunrise was their background._  
  
_Soonyoung pulled away and sat behind Jihoon. He wrapped his arms around the latter, chin resting on Jihoon's shoulder. "I love you, Jihoon. Can we spend all the sunrises together forever?"_  
  
_Jihoon nodded. "But marry me first."_  
  
_"I will, Jihoon. I will." Soonyoung answered as he nuzzled his head on the crook of Jihoon's neck, holding the smaller tight. "Wait for me."_

 

  
**_I remember when you told me you were all mine._**  
  
_The sound of wet skin slapping against wet skin, groans, muffled moans, pants, and breathy whines can be heard in this room, albeit the party and chaos outside.._  
  
_Soonyoung thrusted deeper, hitting Jihoon's prostate causing the latter to moan loud._  
  
_"Sshh baby, they might hear us." Soonyoung kissed Jihoon's lips, sucking the latter's bottom lip to muffle the moan. Soonyoung gripped Jihoon's thighs tigther, thrusting with so much fervor._  
  
_"S-soonyoungie. Ugh. I'm.. i'm close." Jihoon groaned as Soonyoung hitting that same spot repeatedly._  
  
_"Come for me, Jihoonie." Soonyoung pressed his lips on Jihoon's neck, biting, leaving marks that will definitely stay for days._  
  
_Jihoon moaned loudly, trembling, as he painted their stomachs with white ribbons of cum, while Soonyoung still thrusting inside him fast chasing his high._  
  
_Soonyoung groaned when Jihoon tightened his ass around Soonyoung's cock, triggering his orgasm. Soonyoung kept his shallow thrusts until he's emptied his cum all inside of Jihoon, filling Jihoon a few weeks worth of cum, filling him to the brim that some spill out even though his cock acted as a plug._  
  
_Soonyoung stayed inside of Jihoon as they kissed again, lazily this time. "I love you, Jihoonie." Soonyoung placed a chaste kiss on Jihoon's forehead while pulling out, earning a whimper from the latter._  
  
_Soonyoung stood up and took some tissues from the bedside, wiping the mess they've made. "God. Wonwoo will kill us because of this." Soonyoung chuckled while Jihoon giggled. "We will have to wash his sheets."_  
  
_Jihoon just hummed as he wore his clothes, throwing Soonyoung's on his direction. "Get dressed, you idiot. Someone might knock on that door." Soonyoung smirked at Jihoon, causing the latter to roll his eyes._  
  
_Soonyoung laid beside Jihoon after he wore his clothes, put his arms around the latter's waist, snuggling against Jihoon, pressing his nose on Jihoon's neck and sighed._  
  
_Jihoon ran his hand over Soonyoung's hair and tangled his legs with the latter's. Soonyoung hummed in delight as he felt Jihoon ran his hand up and down on his back, calming him. "Can we just stay like this?" Soonyoung mumbled, voice muffled on Jihoon's neck._  
  
_"Well, that's the plan." Jihoon sighed. "But we both know that Wonwoo will kick us out of here."_  
  
_"But I still want to kiss you and give the attention you deserve." Soonyoung whined._  
  
_"God. You are so soft." Jihoon giggled at his cute boyfriend._  
  
_"Not as soft as you." Soonyoung said, placing a kiss on Jihoon's neck._  
  
_Soonyoung propped on his elbow so he can lovingly stare at Jihoon._  
  
_"What?" Jihoon raised his eyebrow at him._  
  
_Soonyoung just shrugged._  
  
_"Jihoonie."_  
  
_"Hmm?"_  
  
_"You are mine right?" Soonyoung asked, as if he was unsure of Jihoon's answer._  
  
_"Yours, Soonie. All yours." Jihoon smiled and Soonyoung felt his heart expanding until he can't breathe, until all that he can feel was Jihoon's eyes on him, until he can only feel his love, his love for Jihoon._

 

 _ **Our love was young and born to die**_  
  
_Soonyoung was rushing to get home, his smile was so wide, it might rip his lips off. He bought sunflowers for Jihoon and he patted the velvet box on his back pocket securely. He was smiling giddily imagining Jihoon's shocked face when he showed up unannounce on their door._  
  
_Soonyoung's brow furrowed when he entered their house, the lights were all off. Jihoon hates it when the lights were off._  
  
_Soonyoung tripped on something, a shirt? This shirt was unfamiliar yet familiar, it was not his nor Jihoon's because it was not their style._  
  
_"Ji?" Soonyoung whispered.. His heart was beating erratically on his chest, and he knew, something was wrong but he just shrugged it off. Maybe, Jihoon was already sleeping._  
  
_He walked straight to their room but stopped when he heard moans, soft whispers from another man's and Jihoon's giggles._  
  
_He fully opened the slightly opened door and saw Jihoon. Jihoon with another man-- his bestfriend, riding his bestfriend's dick._  
  
_"Junhui." Jihoon moaned, Jun's hand on his thighs, digging on Jihoon's pale skin._  
  
_Soonyoung must have been so shocked he dropped the flowers from his hand causing the two people making the dirty deed to whipped their heads at his direction._  
  
_"Soonyoung." Jihoon's shocked face when he saw him will be forever etched on Soonyoung's mind. This was not the kind of Jihoonie's shocked face he was imagining._  
  
_"Oh. No." Soonyoung chuckled as the two trying to hide their naked bodies. "Fuck. I'm sorry. Continue." He threw a glance at Jihoon._  
  
_"I-- i was supposed to surprise you, Jihoonie. But I didn't know I'll be the one who's gonna be surprised." He chuckled bitterly, tears already falling. He glared at his bestfriend whose head was hanging low._  
  
_"I'll go now. Enjoy." Soonyoung turned around, not minding Jihoon calling his name._  
  
  
  
_**Lie to each other, but we know it's true**_  
  
_"Soonyoung." Jihoon called him, Soonyoung sprawled on his bed, nursing a bad hangover._  
  
_"What the fuck are you doing here?" Soonyoung said weakly. "I don't want to see you. Get the fuck out." Soonyoung placed his arm over his eyes. "Get out." Soonyoung said, sniffling, tears beginning to fall again.._  
  
_"I-i just want to talk." Jihoon mutters, uncertainty on his voice and it's like the first time Soonyoung heard him properly. "N-nothing else." Soonyoung heard Jihoon sigh. "I promise, Soonyoung. I just want to talk. And, if you don't want to..... t-that's fine. Just say the word. But please, hear me out Soonyoung."_  
  
_This was Soonyoung's chance. Jihoon had given him options. Soonyoung just had to say these words 'I think it's best for you to leave now.' He just had to say those goddamn words but they were throttled on his throat and he can't make it pass the initial syllable without fucking up. Damn._  
  
_"Then talk." Soonyoung whispered as he sat, Soonyoung knew that he will definitely, unquestioningly regret this decision._  
  
_Jihoon sat on the edge of the bed, shoulders slumped, fiddling at the hem of his shirt as if it's the most interesting thing in the world, as if he was not breaking Soonyoung's heart at the moment._  
  
_"Since when?" Soonyoung asked in a small voice, preventing it from cracking. He heaved a deep breath, he feels like he was drowning._  
  
_Jihoon kept his head hung low and kept quiet._  
  
_"Jihoon." Jihoon flinched because of that. "You said you wanted to talk, now talk.." Soonyoung hissed under his breath. "Now.. talk before I fucking lose it."_  
  
_Jihoon turned and stared at Soonyoung. Soonyoung wished he knew what Jihoon was thinking with just a single glance. Soonyoung knew that he got Jihoon figured outー almost, Soonyoung got Jihoon almost figured out. But right now, he's not so sure._  
  
_"Do you want to know the truth?" Jihoon whispered but loud enough for Soonyoung to hear._  
  
_Soonyoung's blood started to boil. He stood up and glared at Jihoon, brushing his face, pulling his hair out of frustration._  
  
_"Jesus-fucking-Christ, Jihoon!!" Soonyoung half-yelled. "Are you hearing yourself? Seriously." Soonyoung scoffed. "You are asking me that?! After I saw you riding my bestfriend's dick? Moaning his fucking name out of pleasure?? Are you seriously going to lie to me?! What the fuck, Lee Jihoon?" Soonyoung said, breathing heavily. "TELL THE GODDAMN TRUTH!!" Soonyoung shouted at Jihoon, the latter's tears flowing on his beautiful cheeks. "Since when?" Soonyoung repeated._  
  
_"A.. a year." Jihoon stuttered, sobbing uncontrollably._  
  
_Soonyoung felt that air left his lungs, his mind went blank and knees got weaker he needed to lean against the wall to support himself._  
  
_"A year.." Soonyoung whispered, voice was so much in pain and weak. "A fucking year, Jihoon." Soonyoung shook his head erratically, punching the wall, knuckles already bleeding._  
  
_"S-soonyoung-ah."_  
  
_Soonyoung stopped. He felt that his heartbeat also stopped. His heart hurts than his bleeding knuckles._  
  
_"S-soonyoung." Jihoon sniffed. "I stayed here waiting for you to come home." Jihoon took a deep breath, his voice wavering. "..but I can't love someone who's absent. A love only kept by facetime and calls. I-i can't have a love that's invisible."_  
  
_Jihoon's words shot like rapid bullets to Soonyoung's heart, it was as if Jihoon rehearsed what he had to say before._  
  
_"And you chose to keep me in the dark, Jihoon?" Soonyoung choked on his sob. "Jihoon!!!" Jihoon flinched as Soonyoung shouted, his fist balled on his thigh, head low._  
  
_Soonyoung kneeled in front of Jihoon. He harshly held Jihoon's chin, forcing the latter to look at him. "Look at me, Jihoon. Fucking look at me." He gritted under his breath. Jihoon forced himself to look at the tear-stained face of Soonyoung. He gasped as he saw how his eyes were in pain, questioning how and why the heavens hurt this beautiful human._  
  
_"Jihoon.." He sighed.. "Did you know the hardship I went through just to be with you? So that I can go home? So that I can fucking marry you?" He trailed off. "My boss, that bastard, fucked me so that I can go home, Jihoon." Jihoon eyes were wide, his hand over his mouth muffling his sobs. "Did you know how I feel now? No.. 'cause you're busy. Busy fucking my bestfriend." Soonyoung tears were falling non-stop. He had a hard time breathing but he continued. "I was a fool, going back and forth playing your stupid, little game. The difference between you and I though - I cared, I loved, and you didn’t. You made me believe that everything was okay. You made me believe that you still love me. But you chose to hurt me Jihoon-ah. You chose your fucking hormones over this love. And fuck, it goddamn hurts that you made a decision.." Soonyoung closed his eyes, shoulders shaking from too much crying. "...and your decision wasn’t me."_  
  
_Soonyoung stood up and turned away from Jihoon.._  
  
_"L-let's end this, Jihoon." Soonyoung heaved a sigh, wiping his tears._  
  
_Soonyoung walked towards Jihoon again, he pulled the latter up and hugged the smaller man. "Jihoonie, I'm giving you up." He rubbed Jihoon's back, calming him so he'll stop crying. "I-i'm giving you up not because I don't love you anymore.." Soonyoung looked up, preventing himself from crying again.. "I'm giving you up.." Soonyoung stopped and whispered, "..cause you're not worth the fight anymore."_  
  
_Jihoon whimpered and his body shook after he said that._  
  
_"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Soonyoung. I'm sorry." Jihoon cried so hard on Soonyoung's chest.._  
  
_Soonyoung's heart was clenching. He didn't want to lose Jihoon, not over this, but Jihoon gave him up already. His love gave up already.._

 

 __ **Let the past be the past**  
**'Cause I know nothing lasts**  
**Yeah, we had what we had**  
**But I’m moving on**  
  
"HYYYUUUUNNNNGGG!!!" Suengkwan yelled as he spotted Soonyoung at the coffee shop they agreed to meet.  
  
Soonyoung looked up and smiled at the younger man, he stood up to welcome him with a hug.  
  
"Congratulations on getting married!" Soonyoung said as he pulled out from the hug. "I am so happy for you. Finally." Soonyoung teased.  
  
"Hyung~" Seungkwan whined.  
  
"I remembered that you almost made a love potion for Hansol." Soonyoung giggled, earning a weak glare from Seungkwan but the latter also laughed at the memory.  
  
"I missed you hyung." Seungkwan said after they sat. "How are you?"  
  
"Hmm? I'm fine. The dance studio was doing well. I'm fine." Soonyoung answered, he didn't know if he's convincing Seungkwan or himself.  
  
"Good to know." Seungkwan mumbled as he sipped his iced americano.  
  
"By the way Hyung." Seungkwan started.  
  
"What?" Soonyoung looked at Seungkwan, the latter was biting his bottom lip. He looked like he's contemplating if he's gonna say something or not.  
  
"Do you know the producer that was working with Hansol?" Seungkwan continued. "What was his name? Ah. Yeah!! Woozi. He was Lee Jihoon right?" Seungkwan slowly asked, he was cautious if this was the right time to ask this.  
  
"Yes. I knew him. I knew so much." Of course Soonyoung knew. He gave that nickname to Jihoon. He was proud of Jihoon for reaching his dreams. He was proud even if he was not the one beside Jihoon.  
He was happy, he was happy for Jihoon's new life. The latter looks really happy.  
  
"Ohh. I see. And hyung, I don't know if it's right to tell you this."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Hansol said that Jihoon and his boyfriend broke up." Seungkwan said, staring at Soonyoung's reaction.  
  
"Oh." Soonyoung muttered softly. That.. he didn't knew. So Junhui and Jihoon didn't end up.  
  
He forced a smile at Seungkwan.  
  
"It's okay Kwannie-yah. I've moved on. I don't need to know that." Lies. These are the lies he was telling himself for a year. He was also secretly watching Jihoon from afar.  
  
"If you say so." Seungkwan just shrugged and change the topic to lighten the mood. "Ehhh how about you and Seokmin, how are you guys?"  
  
Soonyoung smiled at that. "Seokmin? We're good. We're good friends."  
  
"Friends?? I thought you guys were making progress already."  
  
Soonyoung rolled his eyes at Seungkwan and smiled. "Seokmin was a great guy. He's sweet and caring and pure."  
  
"He likes you a lot, hyung." Seungkwan teased, making Soonyoung chuckle.  
  
"I'll be lying if I told you I don't like him. He's fun to be with." Soonyoung answered.  
  
"But what's stopping you? You said you moved on already. Open up your heart now, hyung." Seungkwan held his hand.  
  
What's stopping Soonyoung? It's Jihoon. It's the love for Jihoon.. He just can't fucking let go..  
  
"Kwannie." Soonyoung exhaled, his tears were brimming on his eyes.  
  
"Jihoon. It was not easy to let him go even if he hurt me. I- i still love him.. I still love him." Soonyoung lost it, he broke down. All of the emotions he bottled up, all of the lies he told himself, he broke down the walls he tried so hard to build. Realizing that he still love Jihoon, Soonyoung didn't know it'll hurt so bad. __  
  
**"I hope he knows.... that it was not easy letting him go."**

 

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this because i need a distraction from all the shits going through in my life. hoping you'll not get disappointed. please leave comments regarding this au. ㅠㅠ


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